Gandhi abused his wife. Gandhi conquered his ego.
In his autobiography Gandhi writes about how he lost his temper and dragged his wife out of the house by her wrist. He explains that at the time, he viewed his wife as an object.
This was Gahndi’s ego running him. Your ego, my ego, everyone’s ego regards the self as an important thing which is distinct from all the other stuff in the world, e.g. other people. This is an illusion, but our brains believe it to be true.
There is no ego. It’s something every human has, which doesn’t exist in reality.
Self Help!?! is about the ego, and more specifically your ego. Why? Because your ego and your relationship to it is the single greatest determinant of your success or failure, happiness or misery in life.
I do mean your relationship to it, as in, you are the real you and your ego is something else. It isn’t the real you. It is a construct. It is fake. It is an idea. It is as substantial as a collection of thoughts in your head can be.
But we relate to it like it is completely, absolutely real.
So let’s start with you. What are you?
Underneath everything, there is the authentic self. This is the part of you that popped out of the womb. It’s the part of you that simply loves, wonders, imagines, creates and experiences everything life has to offer, good and bad, and enjoys it anyway. This is the real you. For those that believe, it’s the piece of god that resides within you.
And then there is the ego.
This is the part of you that desires, craves, lusts, hates, judges, controls, manipulates and persuades. The edo convinces you that you need things in order to survive/love/work/<fill in the blank>.
There is nothing wrong with these feelings or things. They are what make up our human lives. The ego judges them. The authentic self accepts them as part of being a biological creature. An animal. The ego thinks they are good or bad.
Always good or bad. Everything good or bad. This is the simple language of the ego - good/bad — and its associated dualities: attraction/repulsion; love/hate; right/wrong.
The ego can be dealt with three ways. The ego can recognize its failures and hate itself for them, leading to anxiety, depression and a host of other maladies. Alternately, the ego can never see its failures and run on autopilot, like a machine. And finally, the authentic self can recognize the limitations of ego, accept that the ego is a part of life, and choose to act however the authentic self wants to act (despite the wailings of the ego).
I find the people in the second group positively intolerable.
At least the people in group one have the sense to recognize their ego is completely full of shit. They know they are trying to control their kids, or lying to their spouse or they’re a sex addict. They don’t accept it, resist it or hate themselves for it, but at least they are aware of the pathological inauthenticity of the ego.
The folks in the second group are just clueless. They act from their ego and they just run on autopilot. You know these types. They have tempers they can’t control. They crave attention, food, money or whatever, but they can’t help themselves and they don’t know why. You can push their buttons and they react, react, react, without any choice. They are run by their machinery, no more in possession of their lives than a non-player character in a computer game.
The folks the third group are the successful happy people in life. This publication is about moving into group three.
Unfortunately, you are probably currently in group one or two. If you’re in group two, you’re really screwed because you have no clue what you’re even doing wrong. You’re not even aware of your ego.
Here’s a hint — if you don’t know how full of shit you really are, then you’re definitely in group two. You need this the most.
But that’s ok, because all human beings are occasionally in group two. We all have blind spots where our ego runs us and we have no idea. Wisdom is gained by continually challenging your ego and stepping out of group two into group three.
And when you become aware of your ego, you’re probably going to be unhappy about what you find. And you’ll probably move into group one. And you’ll get depressed about it.
Don’t get depressed about it. This book is about breaking the unfortunate news to you in a way that doesn’t make it bad news. It should come across just as news. It’s information. Skip the whole getting depressed about it and just accept right now that being reactive and being a complete faker and fraud is part of being human.
Whether you choose to let that run you, or whether you choose authenticity is what determines the quality of human you choose to be.
If you’re in group one, you’re probably depressed or anxious, and have been for a long time. Want to know why you’re depressed and anxious? It’s because you’ve seen the uncomfortable truth about yourself and the human condition, but instead of just accepting this is the challenge of human life and choosing something else, you’re unhappy about it.
How long are you going to keep moping about being human? Until you die? Moping about it will only make that day come earlier than need be.
You might consider that you’ve made the biggest step forward on the path to enlightenment. You actually realize you’re intrinsically full of shit. Why not take the next step and give up being so right about it?
Self Help!?! is for you too.
And if you think you’re in the third group all the time, well, congratulations! You‘re really in group two. No one is authentic all the time. If you say you are, that’s your ego talking.
Annoyed? Good. That means this book is for you. No one is that enlightened. You probably have some awareness of what your ego machinery has been up to, but there is always more to learn. It’s like peeling the ever-growing onion. There is always another layer.
So here we go! Figure out which group you’re in so you can keep your mission in mind. If you don’t know where you fall, trust me, you’re in group 2.
Onward!
